February 11, 2016

A Movie Review

The wife went to hang out with a friend last night and I was on my own. I grabbed some takeout from the Chinese place down the street and read a bit. I decided to check the DVR and found that I had recorded Easy Rider a couple of days ago.

Until last night I doubt I had seen that flick in 20 years. Sorry, my impression has not changed. The plot is thin, the acting stiff (you can tell they were stoned most of the film), and the editing choppy. Basically, I just don't get it. In the end I'm left thinking "f-ing hippies". Then I think "f-ing rednecks" and "f-ing lawyers" and "f-ing cops". Mostly I just want to kick everyone at that commune right in the crotch.

February 10, 2016

Just one of the ways our robot overlords will kill us

I'm puzzled. You are probably not surprised. Nearly a dozen different companies are vying to create a driverless car. Why would I even want a driverless car? I cannot imagine the boredom of just sitting in the car on a long trip. I might as well ride a bus. Perhaps that is the long-term insidious plan: wean Americans from their cars and force them to mass transit.

So your driverless car has a malfunction (call it an error code if you like) and smashes into another driverless car, killing the occupants. Who do the sleazy TV ambulance chaser lawyers sue? The owner of the vehicle, the car manufacturer, the software company that designed the controls? Who is liable?

Can a computer ever make the decisions a human brain does in a crisis? Can it weigh in a split second the choice between swerving to avoid the deer that just jumped in front of your car or have a head-on with on-coming traffic? Will the car know that bumping over a dead rabbit in the middle of the road is permissible but one should avoid running over a dead skunk?

I drive more than the average bear. I logged more than 45,000 miles last year in my company car. I don't know how many more miles I spent behind the wheel of the family SUV. If you have ever driven the flat prairies of central Indiana and Illinois, the roads and highways of Iowa, Kansas, Nebraska, Missouri, Minnesota, or either Dakota you know the definition of tedious, boring, uninspired driving. And yes, that is where most of my miles were accumulated last year. Still, I could not think of anything worse than spending those endless miles as a passenger in a driverless car. I can think of no reason I would ever want one.

February 8, 2016

About last night

Carolina quarterback Cam Newton likes to gloat and celebrate and talk when he wins. His pouting after game press conference after last night's loss was pathetic. No one likes to lose. The insistence by the media that the loser show up and answer as to what happens is silly, but that is also part of the job. If you want to be the new face of the NFL, if you want to be a role model then you have to be that face in a loss as well. You can't just be the man when you are 17-1.

February 7, 2016

Sunday Stuff

It is the day of The Big Game. We are going over to my daughter's to watch. My heart is with 18 and therefore the Broncos, but I won't lose any sleep no matter the outcome.

I was glad to see Marvin Harrison and Tony Dungy get voted into the HOF. Harrison should have been in two years ago.

I got an email from the electric company offering a messaging service that would tell me if my power is out. Really? If I'm home then I would know my power was off. If I'm somewhere else then so what? It is not like I can rush home and shinny up the utility pole and fix the downed lines or malfunctioning transformer. And what does it say about the company's service that they have to create an app to tell the customers their power is out yet again? If Duke loses power that often to that many people then perhaps they should focus on fixing the problem as opposed to creating an app that tells the customer "Whoops, we f-ed up again" or " Hey there was a tornado and power lines are down".

Who is so damn stupid that they are confused that the light does not come on when you flip a switch then checks their smartphone to verify that "Yep, according to my phone the power is indeed not working. That must be why it is dark and my TV won't work". Sheesh. What next, an app to tell me it is now daytime or nighttime? It is called a window, dumbass.

No, I did not sign up. When the lights, stove, TV, refrigerator, computer, and furnace all quit at exactly the same moment I am smart enough to conclude the power is out without getting a text message.

Enjoy your Sunday.

February 5, 2016

I've seen snow and i've seen ice

It is Friday and it has been a long week. A most shitty week at that. I won't elaborate. I doubt you came here to read about my woes and complaints.

It is Super Bowl weekend. Who will win? This weekend the voters also make the pro football HOF selections. Will Marvin Harrison once again be bypassed for candidates who have significantly less impressive stats and accomplishments? We shall see. Lately the HOF is about rewarding guys because they have waited a long time as opposed to the best players.

Here is some Friday music. Listen and enjoy. Or don't. I get paid the same meager salary for my efforts at this blog either way.


February 4, 2016

Love Hurts

On the morning of their fiftieth wedding anniversary a couple was eating breakfast together. He was reading a newspaper, she flipping the pages of a magazine.

The wife suddenly jumped up from the table, tightly rolled her magazine and began beating the man about his head and shoulders. The attack was notable for its ferocity. Finally, spent, exhausted, and out of breath, she collapsed in her chair. She fixed her husband a look of malevolence and told him "That is for fifty years of bad sex".

The man slumped in his chair.  He was battered and bruised. Blood seeped from small cuts on his scalp. His glasses were askew. He stared at his wife in shock. He slowly stood. He rolled up his newspaper and proceeded to attack his wife with reciprocated fierceness until she too was beaten bloody.

"That", he told her, "Is for knowing the difference".
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