August 31, 2015

No mas

Is it just me or does anyone else find Flo from Progressive past her usefulness? She has gone from mildly amusing spokesperson to "so annoying I would not buy her insurance if it was free".

Your opinion may vary, but you will be wrong.

English 201Essay-What I did this weekend

Happy Monday, fellow Americans. I have little to report this late summer morning. I had a good and uneventful weekend. I swam in our friends' new pool, drank beer*, smoked stogies**, mowed the lawn, trimmed bushes and shrubs, cleaned up limbs, watered the front lawn, went grocery shopping, ate Mexican food, and watch a gem of a no-hitter.

That about covers it.


* Franziskaner a Munich-based Heffeweizen, Budweiser, Yuegling Lager

** Hoya de Monteray 7x48, El Rey de Mundo Maduro 5x50

August 29, 2015

Someone gave me the bird

I was watering the flowers last evening. As I opened the gate in the privacy fence to go into the backyard I discovered a dead bird on the stepping stones. It was a robin and I swear it looked like he fell out of the tree. Maybe he got drunk on fermenting fruit from a neighbors apple tree. He was not torn up like a cat had played with him, in fact, he looked like a stuffed bird from an antique store or taxidermy shop. He was stiff, but the flies had not gotten to him yet. Very weird. If someone sends me a dead mackerel, I know what that means. I am unsure about a stiff bird.

August 28, 2015

Wherein the Author Rambles On in Order to Avoid Doing the Tasks at Hand

Here we are at the close of another week. It is also the end of the month and that means I have the odious task of compiling my expenses. I started to drag out the receipts and put them in order yesterday when I got a call from the office. Top management-types wanted me to come in and offer sales advice. I jumped in the shower and pulled on clothing suitable for the real office, not my home office. To start, real offices require shoes. I suspect they frown on the wrinkled T-shirt from yesterday and shorts, both perfectly acceptable for the home office dress code. In any case, it was nice to be consulted on sales strategy, especially since I am the new guy. Perhaps I was consulted less for my acumen than my proximity to the plant? In other words, I was handy? No, no; I prefer my delusions.

If I get my work done I will need to mow the yard. We have plans for Saturday and it is slated to rain Sunday.What? My you are a Nosey Nellie. We are going to a pool party if you must know. Sorry, you ain't on the guest list.

My daughter and SIL went to see some guys fight Foos last evening so the granddaughter spent the night. It was no big deal, she goes to bed around 7:30 and sleeps through the night, so it amounts to just a few waking hours she was here extra since the wife babysits her during the day anyway. I cannot believe I wrote that convoluted, twisted sentence. How would you like to put a tree on that one back in grammar class? Do they even do sentence trees any more?

We were all set to grill some burgers last night but the gas expired just as I was set to drop the patties. The spuds were already in the oven and I did not have time to get a propane refill. I pan fried them instead. The fresh 'maters from the garden made the meal passable.

Look there, a whole Friday post without a YouTube video. That may be a good thing or a bad thing depending on your particular approbation of these meandering musings. If the combination of letters, words, sentences, and paragraphs was amusing, you won't mind the missing Friday music selection. If your response is more akin to "Geez, I don't care" , then you might have wished for a musical distraction. But what if I had posted something especially heinous like Boy George or Billy Don't be a Hero or Afternoon Delight? In that case, my random bullshit just might not be so bad. It is all relative, dear reader.

Enough

Can we just move on? Hurricane Katrina was a decade ago.

August 27, 2015

Dear Blog

i have not forgotten about you. My plate is full right now, although my coffee cup is empty. The coffee I can handle. New content here will have to wait.

Your Pal,

Joe

August 25, 2015

August 24, 2015

Friken Fraken Bleep

Sometimes you hit a rhythm when you are driving. The miles pass by as you cruise down the highway like [insert race car driver of your choice] is at the wheel. I was in just such a zone on my long trip westward today. That may be why I missed the sign lowering the speed limit to 55. That's why I picked up a ticket for driving 76 in said 55 zone from the polite State Trooper.

Sucks to be me.

Something new

I like to read. I always have. I've read thousands and thousands of books. I read an average of one book a week these days. As a teen, it was probably three or four books a week.  I read every single book in the 900 section at old Samuel P. Kyger elementary. That would be history, geography, and biographies for non-librarian types. I read a whole set of encyclopedias. I have read the Bible and the Koran. I have read all of Louis L'Amour's books and the works of Patrick O'Brian. I've devoured histories of the Zulu Wars, the American Civil War, Napoleon, and both World Wars. But until recently I have read nary a word from William Faulkner.

I picked up for cheap a Kindle collection of his short stories and I am hooked. The man could write a short story. I think I may tackle one of his novels in the near future. It is said some of his novels are similar in style to the unreadable James Joyce. If so, I will be sadly disappointed. Joyce sucks.

August 22, 2015

Dodging the Drivel

Happy Saturday to you. It looks like a beautiful day here at the old homestead. I'm stifling a few yawns after a somewhat restless night. I have been having strange and vivid dreams every night for  a while now. I usually don't dream, so this is a new thing. I can't usually remember the dream and the fragments that remain in my consciousness make no sense at all, like my fraternity house having my grandma's furniture.  The real point is what is up with all of the dreaming? Where are all of those psych majors with the answers?

The weather has settled into an almost fall-like pattern (the ghost of Hemingway just had a stroke). Overnight lows in the upper 50s and daytime highs in the 70s makes for perfect weather, but remarkably chilly for August. It has been another cool summer here in God's country; climate changers can rant about the hottest summer evah ( or at least in the last 150 years or so) all they want.  When future weathermen talk about future weather, not a single day, week, or month from 2015 will be listed as the hottest on record here. The wettest, certainly, but not the hottest. I bet we have topped 90 but a handful of times. Your weather and climate may vary.

I have rambled and wasted enough of your time. Go enjoy your Saturday.
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