September 20, 2014

Good or bad

The contents of this blog are pretty much what you would get if we were to have a conversation. Sadly I may be just a tad more sarcastic in real life.  Fortunately I have learned to filter much of what transpires in my brain.

September 19, 2014


Usually I take whatever song is playing in my head when I wake on a Friday morning and post it as the Friday Music feature. This morning Michael Jackson's Billy Jean is bouncing around in there. I don't know why. I have never liked that song and was certainly never a fan of Jackson's work.  I am not going to post a video. Say thank you.

Big stuff in store for this Friday. I have a couple of conference calls,  then I think I'll take the afternoon off and mow the lawn.  I agree, I don't know how I deal with the excitement either.

September 18, 2014

I must need Head and Shoulders 'cause I keep scratching my skull

Apparently Obummer isn't going to be happy until we have our very own epidemic of Ebola right here in America.

If you are one of the military personnel sent to Africa to "fight" the spread of the deadly virus can you refuse the mission?  How is this plan in any way, shape, or form part of the roll of the US Armed Forces?

Beef and Beets with Burbon Butter Broth

I woke wide awake a bit after four this morning. I don't know why. I flipped and flopped like a trout tossed on a river bank for a bit and finally gave up and climbed out of bed*  I have been sipping my coffee and surfing the web since.

I bet you are saying to yourself  right about now "Self, since Joe was up early I bet he is going to knock out a killer post given the extra time in his work day". You could say that if you want to be wrong as a Democrat on foreign or domestic policy. You don't want to be wrong do you? I was once and I did not like the feeling.

My coffee cup is empty and so is my tank of creative juices. Is it weird I am craving a hamburger at 6 in the morning?

*That phrase has always bugged me.  How do you climb out of bed? I don't sleep in a pit or a hole. There is no ladder or stair involved in exiting my mattress.  Instead replace the "climbed out of bed" phrase with " rolled out of bed" it is a more apt phrase and leaves my just slightly more satisfied with my elementary school level of prose.

What? It did not cost a bit to read this drivel. You get what you pay for in life. In this case you got a whole lot of nothing.

September 17, 2014

A little bit of nuthin'

I'm sitting here alternately staring at the cursor in the blank blogger page and out my office window at my backyard. I feel like my brain is in low gear this morning, despite two cups of coffee. I suppose the proper word to describe my mood is "lethargic".  It is not like I want to do something else, I don't want to do anything. Well that is not completely true.  I wouldn't mind sitting on a beach, sunning and drinking beer. Still, that would involve pretty much not doing anything, just in a much better setting than my home office.

The unseasonably cool air has brought forth sweaters and tight jeans and boots on the ladies at the mall. That is not a bad thing, I suppose, but the transition from spaghetti straps and cleavage to sweatshirts has been quick this year. But what do we do? Despite the fervent beliefs of the global warming zealots, we just have to live with weather.

September 16, 2014

Eat me, Buick

I once swore I would buy nothing that had an offensive or stupid commercial on TV. It did not take me long to realize that policy left few goods to buy. I hate the cartoon Charmin bears, but I am not about to pass on a soft wipe for my delicate butt. I do have standards.

The latest commercial that leaves me sputtering with outrage is the new Buick commercial. Assholes in all walks of life are exclaiming "I did not know it was a Buick". An idiot valet parking attendant can't find the Buick in the lot, I guess because the car does not look like a typical Buick. I suppose that just clicking the remote was too difficult for the moron?

My issue is that each and every car in the ad has a giant Buick emblem in the center of the grill. Ray Charles would not fail to notice it, and he is blind. And dead. The emblem is like four inches across. Only an idiot would look right at the front of the car and exclaim, "This is not a Buick".  It is not like the old bat in the spot is peering with myopic vision at a '67 Volkswagen Beetle with a Rolls Royce hood ornament.  The camera focuses on the front of the car, giant Buick emblem and all.

Who ever agreed to this ad campaign should be branded with the giant Buick emblem right on the their ass.

September 15, 2014

A really crappy Monday

I am a bit swell-headed this morning, if that is even a term. A commenter told me I "was so cool" and that he "has never read anything so interesting as my blog". He even invited me to read his blog! Can you believe it?

The past two weekends I have been deep in sales training for my new part-time gig. I passed the course. That means I can keep my job. Since I have been a moderately successful salesman for more than 20 years, I hope I could pass an introductory sales class. I will be honest, it has been 30 years since I sat in a classroom setting, studied materials, and took written tests. That part was harder than I thought it would be. Still, I scored a 90% on the written final and life is good.

I think we have been friends long enough to share a little too much information this morning. You may remember I had serious diarrhea issues a few years ago. It was caused by some meds i was on. I believe I blogged about the destruction of a Dairy Queen in Wisconsin, and the 8 hours road trip coming back from Rockford, Illinois, crapping at every gas station, McDonald's and Cracker Barrel between there and home, Since the doctor changed things up I have shat neat, solid cellophane wrapped cubes.  Until this morning.  I woke at about 4:00 in the dark of night with stomach rumbles and I have proceeded to stink up the house and each of the 2.5 bathrooms with a major case of the runs. It is a good thing the wife stocked up on the Charmin last week. I would light a candle or two, but I am seriously afraid of an explosion.

Needless to say, it has been a shitty Monday around here, I hope yours is going better.

September 12, 2014

It is about time

A school in Virginia has banned Chapstick.  We know lip balm is a gateway drug to hand cream and moisturizers.  Some users even end up on Vaseline. It is about time the authorities cracked down. You see, I know the dangers. Here is a little known blog fact: I am addicted to Chapstick. I carry one in my pocket at all times (the blue one if you have to know, but I will use the plain if I have to). I use it constantly. If I do not have a coat of petroleum wax on my lips I go into a panic.

My addiction aside, I can only ask what are these people thinking?  Is it a requirement to be a school administrator or school board member to lose all common sense upon taking the job? Perhaps frequent commenter and blog friend Hey Teacher knows the answer.

Friday Music

There won't be any today. You don't care and I lack the motivation.

Take that blog world.

It snowed in the Dakotas yesterday.  I wonder what the global warming fanatics say about that?

I think I will go buy some fresh donuts for breakfast.  Take that too, blog world.
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